“My Brother’s Advocate” is a work of fiction that is based upon true events that my brother, John, and I have endured while growing up. Though the story encompasses many other people and tragedies, the underlying theme is wickedness attempting to annihilate righteousness. Many wonder why God would allow such a thing to occur. If your God is so great, why couldn’t He stop the child abuse? If you believe in Him, why didn’t He protect your brother and yourself?
Having “…faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true.” Alma 32:21. At a very young age, I had faith enough to pray that I would be protected. I discovered through praying that something miraculous was happening. It gave me power over my circumstances; though it didn’t always take away some truly awful things that happened. Once I realized the power of prayer, I was able to avoid many, but not all things that may have harmed me.
My faith waxed and waned at times, according to the events in my life. Obviously some experiences can knock you down quicker and more violently than others. Nevertheless, I’ve always managed to get back up. I asked a wise Bishop if things I experienced would make me a better or bitter person and he simply said, “Yes.” A confused look because my mind was racing to wrap itself around this odd logic and not quite reaching the same conclusion, caused a smile to cross his lips. “That is for you to decide,” he said.
That indispensable wisdom was revealed to me nearly seventeen years ago, but I remember the incident as if it happened yesterday. In my mind’s eye, I clearly see the playful smile on his gentle, careworn face and the twinkle in his eyes; hoping that what he shared may inspire me to choose wisely. I can attest that I have never forgotten that moment; though he may not even recall it. To me, it was utterly profound and I’m still trying to wrestle with the outcome of whether I will become a better or bitter person because of my life events.
I have listened to significantly inspired counsel and to other counsel perhaps not so inspired. I tend to classify most as either edifying or crucifying. If I learn something from it, even if it happens to be constructive criticism, I consider myself having been edified. But if I walk away feeling worse for having the encounter, like something vital has been taken away from me, then it was crucifying. I try to avoid crucifying encounters at all costs. However, in order to appreciate the edifying moments, I have to experience the crucifying ones or else how would I ever distinguish the two?
“My Brother’s Advocate: a sister’s promise” is easy to read, but it isn’t an ebullient subject matter. Murder and child abuse rarely is. It’s also received a lackluster launch; indeed, I have purchased more copies of the book to distribute for marketing than have been bought by others. It may never become a best seller, or even break even with the publisher. Does this make it a failure? Does this mean God hasn’t answered my prayers? Does this mean it was all for nothing?
Looking back over the mountains of adversity I have traveled, it’s a miracle that I even wrote a book. Because I have refused to allow the abuse to continue for another generation, I have changed the course of my posterity. My children can reach further and higher than I ever could imagine, sleep without fear, and love without hesitation so all the pain and suffering wasn’t in vain. I fulfilled my mission that was entrusted in me by God. He knew I was strong enough with His help. He has heard my prayers, and has protected me throughout my life.
I believe in Him because He first believed in me.