It’s been said not to say or do anything permanent when you’re temporarily upset. This includes talking, texting, messaging, Facebooking, etc.; modern day etiquette for the socially inept. But sometimes writing what you’re thinking and feeling during this time helps you to remember what has happened so that you know what not to repeat in the future.
As an observer, people watcher, reader, researcher, investigator and sometimes writer, I look at people’s motives for why they say and do things. Often times, people do things in the heat of the moment that causes lifetime repercussions that make their lives miserable forever. Other times, people do things that drastically change others’ lives. The former is a direct result of their own actions or words while the latter is the consequences of others actions or words. That’s a huge difference, for one causes their own demise while some are suffering because of the actions or words of others.
A main theme of life’s distress is the inability to separate the person from the situation; then determining whether the person has brought it upon himself or if others have caused him woe. People tend to categorize trauma, dilemma and other infractions of others as threatening to their sense of well-being. Sometimes it can be, often times it isn’t.
As I have experienced many adversities in my life, brought upon me by others, I have learned to triage their motives in order to separate the person from the situation. I refuse to be a victim of another’s inability to do what I am able to do. Every person I’ve come into contact with during my sojourn in life has had an impact on me, my thoughts, my actions, and my decision making. It would be imprudent to think otherwise. And while I would not say I embrace the adversity, I have learned tremendously during the struggle.
Some people have entered my life for a specific purpose, a season, or for lifetime to impart a lesson. I tend to shun those who are shallow, malicious or otherwise attempt to cause intentional harm. I simply walk away from arguments or fights. I avoid toxicity at all costs, though I will not back away from injustice; especially if someone is unable to defend themself. I will sustain the weak, the disadvantaged, and those who have been violated. I have taken a personal interest in helping those who are in dire need of a friend, encouragement and hope. It is for them that I have accepted the nonsense of others in order to fully understand their plight.
I cannot tell you how to build a car, how electricity works, or any number of important things concerning what we use on a daily basis. I don’t understand physics or medicine in any meaningful way in order to change the world; because that hasn’t been my mission in life to learn. I know suffering, pain, and overcoming adversity because that is what I’ve been asked to endure and master. I write about real excruciating concerns people face. I expose depravities that others refuse to grasp because it’s simply too intense to acquiesce.
I do not yield to hatred because that wastes too much precious energy. I realize that most people cannot withstand the obstacles that have been placed before me; therefore, they fear what they do not understand. The irony of my life is that I appreciate the diversity of others because of my endurance of suffering. I do not wish others to feel as I have, nor to comprehend my responsibility I feel towards my mission. Just as there are only a select few who can perform brain surgery without causing additional harm; then there are those who have been called to sustain enormous amounts of injustice in order to personify the suffering. I am one of those persons.
Just because extreme travail isn’t acknowledged by the populace, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Many have been asked to endure the most heinous crimes against humanity, only to futilely suffer. If you don’t share what you have learned in order to change the situation, then you have sorrowed in vain.
A friend of mine contacted me yesterday out of concern for my family and myself because he had heard about the Susan Cox Powell case in Utah and he wanted me to know he was thinking about us. Apparently her estranged husband, Josh Powell, was a person of interest, yet he was never formally charged as only circumstantial evidence was gathered. On Sunday, February 5, 2012 during a court-ordered, supervised visitation encounter, Josh Powell took the lives of his two young sons as he committed suicide. The desperate act of exceptionally disturbed man stunned the nation. People marveled how he could do such a thing. Then there were those who saw the writing on the wall; those who have experienced domestic travesty firsthand.
I believe we are born here to make a difference. I think that we are given talents and blessings to ensure that we can overcome our adversities. We are also given situations, sufferings, and missions to surmount. Many see these as problems, instead of as trials. Just as the modern society has stood on the shoulders of its predecessors, we must use what we know, what we have learned to make a difference or what we have experienced is for naught.
If we do not stand up to unrighteousness, if we choose to look the other way, if we run away, fearing for our own selves rather than standing in unity to stop the insanity, then nothing changes. One day your son, daughter, grandchild may suffer greater calamity because you refuse to acknowledge your role in curbing the violence. Good people who refuse to do anything are as bad as the evil ones doing the deed. If you are grateful for the ease of your life brought to you by the sweat of others, then be true to yourself and refuse to allow injustices to continue.
Removing yourself from the situation out of fear is cowardly. Know that another will placed in your stead, and you will have to learn the same lesson through another approach. Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Anne Frank, Helen Keller, Harriet Tubman, Clara Barton, Susan B. Anthony are but just a few of the most influential women in our history who have suffered tremendously for mankind. But that’s not to say there aren’t many men who have done the same. It’s just that women have had a notoriously harder time to overcome as they were always looked down upon as lesser than men in society.
Robert Frost said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” And life does march on whether we are ready for it or not. We can either take the lessons we’ve learned about life and share our experiences with others, or we don’t. We either ease others sufferings and pains, or we can ignore them. We can choose to unite for a cause, or simply walk away. That’s our prerogative. But what we have been asked to do with our lives and we decide not to do define our own selfish desires. A person committed to helping others will not refuse to do so when he sees another in need. Whether he is trained to be a doctor, nurse, teacher, or mechanic, he will feel the desire to help. Others are not so committed. Many wait for the perfect moment for when things to blow over, deciding not to get involved because it seems messy or difficult.
Life is not about perfection, it’s about perfecting. It’s dirty, chaotic, confusing, and absolutely beautiful. It’s about having integrity, honesty, character, and hope. It’s about righting wrongs, helping others, and wiping tears. It’s accepting challenges regardless of ability, learning on the job what to do and how to do it. Life is about lifting another’s spirit when they simply can’t stand on their own. If you choose to walk away from hard trials, don’t expect another to come to your aid when you, your family or friends are in need. But know that someone, somewhere will anyway because some people actually care about humanity and those who suffer indignities.
Don’t weep for me because I am strong. I’ve been through worse; I will continue to stand up for injustice and prevail because it’s my mission in life to bring out the issues that others refuse to acknowledge. I am more than you know, but not as much as I will be. I’m a work in progress until my last breath.