this is not a tale for the faint of heart...
leave now before you either learn something or I piss you off...
(and if I'm "lucky," I'll do both!! ;)
I have always dreamed of having a large, closeknit family, living in a nice house surrounded by a white picket fence, and a clothesline in the backyard with sheets on it blowing in the wind, among other things...
my reality is so much different...
I have six children who sometimes think that I only exist to fulfill their every wish & desire...
including but not limited to cooking, cleaning, laundry, dishes, shopping, attending every single function and photographing it even if it's their first zit, stubbed toe or they dress up the family's animals in socks and underwear...
I will not sleep for days on end in order to ensure my children are nursed back to health, school projects are completed, and travel to remote destinations with little to no money to support their accomplishments...
I have refused medical attention for broken/sprained limbs, pneumonia, ear infections, kidney stones, etc. for an extended period of time to make sure that my kids' needs are met and because there just simply wasn't enough time for me to take care of me...
I have spent countless hours traveling to and from medical appointments in three different states to discover why my 3rd son is allergic to life and how to best heal him...
I have left the hospital within hours of giving birth to go Christmas shopping because my 4th baby was born 8+ weeks premature, and if I didn't provide the gifts, then there would have been nothing under the Christmas tree that morning...
I have shown my kids by example how and why to be charitable to others, even though it rarely, if ever, is reciprocated...
I have stayed up all night nursing newborn pups or a bearded dragon only to have it pass away in my arms, because I refused to have it "cross over" all alone...
I was in the hospital room when my mother and brother passed away, and it has adversely affected the way I feel about furnerals forever...
I have spent endless hours listening to my children cry over their young heartbreaks, all the while my marriage was disintergrating due to his infidelities, but I had no one to turn to myself...
I have promised my children that true love does exist, not only in fairy tales, but in real life, though my experience has been far from the case...
I have laughed in front of my kids, when I wanted to cry, because if I don't hold it together, everything will fall apart...
I'm attempting to teach my children that I am not perfect, nor do I expect them to be perfect...
I have hopes, dreams, and desires that I wish to accomplish before my life is over...
I want them to discover, develop and achieve their talents and dreams as well...
I own up to my mistakes.
if I've learned something, then it becomes an experience...
and I always learn something.
I try to do my best in everything I decide to do because if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well...
I don't half-ass anything.
do-overs cost more than just time and money...
it's a waste of your talent as well.
I am a spiritual being having a human experience.
I have emotions, feelings, and disappointments...
after I ensure my kids are bathed, clothes are out for the next day, prayers are said, homework is done, papers are signed, etc., I kiss them goodnight (they hardly ever even know), I go to my room and usually cry myself to sleep...
it's hard being alone.
the weight of the world rests on my shoulders and I have many depending on me to keep them safe, healthy, happy, without understanding the enormity of the task...
all my children know is that I am always there for them whenever they are in need, and especially if they don't even realize that they are in need...
I am their rock, sanctuary, stronghold, sentinel, guardian, teacher, guide, custodian and so much more...
no one can get to my children without first coming through me...
I am their strongest advocate and their fiercest ally.
I always have been and I always will be.
I've often said the best thing I could ever do for my children, other than give them life, was to give them each other...
when my brother, John died, a part of me died with him.
if not for my sister, Paula, I don't know what I would have done.
his death has continued to rock my world in ways that I still don't understand.
there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about or miss him.
because of that, it is important that my children are close to their siblings.
I don't have any magical powers, or newsworthy antidotes for raising children...
I simply love my children more than life itself.
they are my family that I prayed for when I was just a little girl.
I don't have parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles or other extended family.
but because I have my kids, I have been richly blessed.
my children don't often understand what I do or why I do the things I do, but that's okay for now.
but if I thought it would help, I would lay down my life for them.
that's because I love them unconditionally.
and there is no greater thing in life than love.