I’ve had an exceedingly busy summer this year with my children, friends, and school among other things. Although it’s been extremely hot here on the east roast (coast), coupled with the high humidity, I’ve managed to enjoy the freedom that is associated with summer.
I married at a very young age, many moons ago then divorced and (foolishly) remarried again. I never predicted that I’d be dating at this point in my life. I’ve met some wonderful people since I’ve been reintroduced to society and a few of them have kindly suggested some guys to date; amazingly enough, we’re still very close friends, though we have all discovered that those people are not who they claimed to be.
I’m a huge proponent that action speaks louder than words. Anyone can say they want to do something, not many follow through however. When I tell my children or my friends that I will do something, then I will move Heaven and earth to fulfill that promise. If there is any reason that I cannot do as I said, I will immediately make it known and brainstorm a backup plan. I will never schedule a project, outing, etc. and simply pretend I never said it. I may not haven much in the way of material things, but I believe integrity is more precious than any gem, money, gold or other status symbol the world worships.
I’ve only dated a handful of men, with only two of which I am still on speaking terms. Obviously when you spend the first couple of days or weeks getting to know each other, it appears everyone wants to portray their best side. I’m always upfront and genuine with those I meet. I do not partake of illegal drugs, nor do I want to associate with anyone who does. I’m not judging anyone; it’s just that my standards are different. This one fellow in particular enlightened me that he occasionally liked to sniff.
We no longer speak because he wasn’t intelligent enough to know that no illegal drugs mean absolutely no illegal drugs. I won’t go to jail for anyone. I don’t care how eloquently you spin your talk; I’m not attracted to liars. I was married to one for far too long. I have the unique chance to live life on my terms, there’s no way I’m going to settle for less than I deserve from anyone. Respect and integrity, especially honesty, are the most important aspects of my life. I have zero patience for deceivers, liars, cheaters, and fake people.
Another person liked to call me distasteful names. That lasted all of ten minutes. He still attempts to get in contact with me though I have thwarted every avenue and will not respond to him at all. I guess in his mind’s eye, I’m interested though I am not, and never was. After spending several times a week for months on end speaking to counselors concerning the domestic violence my children and I have endured it has become much easier to ascertain the red-flag behaviors that abusers send up. If anyone wants to speak to me, they do it in a civilized manner or not bother. If you raise your voice to me it better be because there is a fire or some other emergency that warrants it, because otherwise you will never have the opportunity to speak to me again.
One guy was put off because according to him, I had too much baggage. I suggested that we should never speak again. My children aren’t baggage, they’re people. I have had all of my children within wedlock and have welcomed them as they came. I do not expect any man to raise my children, take upon my responsibilities as a parent or worry fruitlessly about things that are not of his concern. I simply went on a date. I’m not asking anyone to pay my bills, move in, or any other such nonsense.
Consequently, I never have my children meet anyone I’m dating because my children mean far too much to me to do that. My children have met a few of my friends, because I keep a tight rein on those whom I introduce my kids to. Not everyone is awarded that privilege. Eventually I found out this guy had several felonies for crimes much like my ex and he had the nerve to say my kids were baggage. Good riddance and don’t ever bother to contact me again.
Dating isn’t nearly as fun as some people like to think that it is. I guess that’s why there are a lot of people who have affairs; they don’t want the responsibility of discovering if a new person they meet is worthy of their time or not. I’ve never cheated on anyone and have never been the “other woman” nor do I plan on ever doing so. I know what it feels like to be cheated on. Once the trust is gone in a relationship, as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing else worth salvaging.
I also don’t play games, so dating is almost torture for someone like me. I won’t ask a guy out, won’t give anyone my number and won’t call a guy. Call me old fashioned, but it’s my life so I make and live by my own rules. Unless and until I’m in a committed relationship, where it’s not just me doing all the committing, I will date whomever I wish. Don’t expect me to wait for you to get back to me, while you’re doing whatever you want whenever you want. I will also be doing whatever I want because I answer to no one.
My dating list is short, not so sweet, and the thought of getting to know someone on an intimate, personal not sexual, level is getting tiresome. I understand that life happens, circumstances change scheduled events, and not everything goes as planned. I do have six children. I’m kind of used to the unexpected. What I do not like is uncertainties. Specifically say what you mean, mean what you say and then follow through or otherwise just save your breath for someone willing to listen to your lies because it isn’t me.
Some of my friends have suggested that guys may be intimidated by me because I’m intelligent, articulate, compassionate, kind and not afraid to own my voice. Although I’m super busy, I always find time to volunteer, or help out a friend. I rearrange my schedule to accommodate others. I willingly give to help stop the hurt wherever the need may be. I’m not perfect; I have many faults and will always be working towards making myself better tomorrow than I was yesterday until my last breath.
If anyone is intimidated by me, then chances are I won’t want to date them anyway. If I ever decide to be in a committed relationship again, the man has to have his sense of self, hobbies, values and morals. I just don’t have it in me to raise another mama’s boy. I have to be as much of a priority to him as he is to me and will not tolerate being treated as an option ever again; because there are way too many fish in the sea to settle for just anyone who bites. I’m actually enjoying my life for the first time, being alone, doing my own thing, discovering what I like and what I refuse to deal with any longer. Life truly is good.