There may come a time in your life when you may stop and think, “What the hell am I doing?” or “Why am I still doing/thinking/dealing with this?” If you belong to any social network (and unless you belong to some aboriginal tribe in the middle of nowhere, you do; even if you don’t want to admit it) you have read something along the lines, ‘regardless of your past, due to your parents or other events beyond your control, you are in charge of your own life, so stop blaming others for your life now.’ But how true is that statement?  Sure, as a child you have no control over much of anything that you have to endure or events that have taken place, but what happens when you finally reach adulthood? Does that actually change anything? Do you automatically forgive everyone for all the trials and adversities that they have put you through? Do you finally come to the mysterious understanding of why your parents, siblings, extended family, friends, neighbors, teachers, etc. acted the way they did?  Have you suddenly discovered the meaning of life, along with the reasons of why people act or do things that weren’t or aren’t socially acceptable when you’ve reached adulthood?

     What do you do, when you know beyond a shadow of a doubt, things went terribly wrong somewhere? Though it wasn’t your fault, you want to cease and desist to all of the hurt, confusion, and somehow find a way to make SENSE of why it happened to end the nonsense so you don’t repeat the same mistakes? Few have lived such an idyllic life that they can look back upon their childhood with nothing but sweet nostalgia. For those select few, I applaud your exceptional reminisces because most people I’ve encountered haven’t had the same advantages of sweet, cherished childhood memories. Such are the things that make for good marketing in our society; the love of a good family. Two parents who adore one another and express it through their actions which are replicated in their children. And we are bombarded daily with images, commercials, movies, etc. of how life SHOULD be. But we are even more overwhelmed with many television shows, magazines, newspapers, television, etc. of how life actually is for the majority of people around the globe.

     Who is willing to step up to stop the anguish and torment??? Who is man or woman enough to admit that they are hurting and they just want it to end, right now, at any cost? Who is able to withstand the onslaught of continued abuse, knowing the person who is assaulting her is lashing out because of his own personal suffering, but she chooses not to retaliate because she understands the source of his pain? Look around at your friends, acquaintances, loved ones, co-workers and see them for who they actually are; not for what they are reacting to. Can you take a moment and step into their shoes? Can you sense their fears, failures, or unfulfilled dreams? Can you empathize with their past? Can you comfort them in their time of need? Or do you judge them inadequate because of your own abilities? Have you ever felt the pain of feeling totally worthless? Do you wonder if anyone would cry if you died today?

     Chances are you have had many people who have come into your life to validate you and your life. They have tried in their own way, no matter how inept you may perceive it to be, to love you for who you are, regardless of what you’ve done or what was done to you.  How many people have you turned away because you felt unworthy to receive love because you never understood what true love was? How can someone possibly love you when you can’t even love yourself?  Whether you believe in God, or whatever higher power you acknowledge and give whatever name to it that you do, He has sent many to let you know that you are not a mistake. You are important. Your life is valued by more people than you could ever imagine. But for some reason you cannot believe that you’re appreciated by anyone because you don’t suppose you deserve it.

     I’ve recently come across a wonderful analogy by an unknown author: “Grab a plate and throw it to the ground. Okay, done. Did it break? Yes. Now say sorry to it. Sorry. Did it go back to the way it was before? No. Do you UNDERSTAND?” This is nothing short of epic in describing how people get hurt time and again by others; whether or not it was intentional. Something said or done can only be apologized for after the injury or injustice has occurred; however, that bell (offense) can never be un-rung (undone). The scars remain on the sufferer long after the acts of transgression have been forgotten. Most people develop a strategy for disregarding their sorrows in order to survive. They push down their feelings to hide their pain behind smiles, acts of kindness, humor or through other means to deflect their wounds so others can’t see how truly broken they are. Only the wise that have also experienced similar travails can see their pain, whereas the majority only sees the smile.

     A legend of the Japanese art of kintsugi illustrates that one may be able to transform grievous breeches into exquisite restorations; thereby the damaged vessel is actually superior to a new one. The analogy of something being broken then transformed into a beautiful work of art is applicable in our own lives. By forgiving others, whether or not they deserve it, allow us to fill in the crevices crudely left behind by others. Forgiveness isn’t for “them” it’s actually for us. Developing sympathy and empathy towards others, as a form of kintsugi, makes us more precious than we had been beforehand. The degree of mortification to one’s spirit is diverse as the populaces on earth. The hell of one person’s experiences may only be an inconvenience to another; which is why we should not judge other’s struggles as trivial or absurd. We all have been hurt. We all have suffered in some degree. We all have cried out in pain. We all have felt utterly alone. Don’t ever forget what these things feel like when you may be tempted to judge another in their moments of weakness. Because, after all, aren’t we all just a lil’ bit broken?