It’s just another day in the life of me. Where the unimaginable happens at record pace and I have a stunned look on my face, thinking WTF was that? For the record, I tend to keep it real. Many people are offended by what I write, how I write, my tone or words I use when writing or simply that I write at all. I like to believe that alone gives me purpose. If I feel it, witness it or am affected by it, I will write about it; even though many think I shouldn’t write about controversial things. But I don’t live to impress anyone; at least not anymore.
When I was a young girl, we had a music teacher (whose name I’ve long since forgotten) who would explain the story behind the songs she would attempt to teach us. Not being musically inclined, though I often wish I were, I listened with rapt attention. As visual person, I always saw the stories play out inside my mind. My teacher said I was a daydreamer, and I said in response, “But I'm not the only one.” (John Lennon).
One of the most captivating stories I remember her telling us was “There’s a Hole in My Bucket” between Henry and Liza. As I envisioned Liza’s no nonsense logic to Henry’s undeniable dilemma, the story seemed utterly hopeless. Henry needs water to fix the literal hole in the bucket and Liza, with all of her sense and sensibilities tells him to go get some water to fix the bucket. I also imagine Liza rolling her eyes and thinking “duh?” to herself, because I can be sardonic as well. Henry, on the other hand, sings to her about how he cannot get water to fix the bucket along with the many legitimate reasons as to why not. Liza, still not buying the inconvenience, keeps up with the chorus that he has to fix the hole, no matter what, so find a way. The stalemate has been set and the resolution is simply another stanza proclaiming what the chorus has continuously aforementioned.
It has been decades since that teacher told us this story. I’m sure that in all of her wisdom, she probably never gave it much thought as to how it would continue to affect her students long after her career as a music teacher ended. But isn’t that how lessons are usually learned? Someone somewhere felt inspired to share a story with others. Their intent may be to educate, to serve as a warning, or give a background to the story so that it was made clear but it’s the lasting impressions that hit home. The lasting impressions are different for everyone, as all have a unique path to walk. Perhaps not one single person in all of her classes may even remember that particular day when this teacher taught this lesson. But I never forgot it.
Throughout my life, I’ve had many examples of quandaries much like Henry and Liza. An impasse ensues as someone declares something is utterly impossible to resolve while another person adamantly exclaims that the solution simply hasn’t yet been ascertained. Who is right? I believe that depends upon the situation. I hold dear another adage, “Use it up, wear it out, and make it do or do without.” If the something that is impossible to fix must need be replaced, then just replace it if at all possible. But if it can be repaired, then do whatever necessary to repair it instead of throwing it away; especially if that something isn’t a thing, but rather a person or a relationship. However, be prepared to walk away from something (or someone) that or who no longer improves your life, but rather adds to the heap of adversity you have to deal with already. Toxic people and relationships only serve to further harm you and your loved ones. In this case, the hole can never be fixed no matter how hard or long you try.
“The unexamined life is not worth living,” Socrates. The vast number of people I’ve come across during my sojourn who always find the need to place the blame onto others for their unfortunate circumstances is impossible to tally. I stopped counting long before I hit age twenty. That’s not to say I cannot feel empathy for others, regarding that their upbringing may have had such a negative influence on them that they were unable to pull themselves out of a tailspin to find their way. For most others, it was merely an excuse for their deviant behaviors. There are horrors that no one should experience, but many do. I have found the ones who have endured the most serious hardships are the most resilient people I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. It seems to me only the weak in spirit refuse to examine their own lives in order to take responsibility for theirs words and actions. The strong ones continuously do so, as they adhere to the Hippocratic Oath, “First do no harm.”
If there is a hole in your bucket, then do whatever is necessary to fix it. If it cannot be fixed, then replace it. If you don’t have the means to replace it, then make do. But under no uncertain circumstance, ever place the blame onto others if the ability to repair, replace or change a situation that is well within your grasp to do so. Take the time necessary to examine your own life. Heal your hurts, your disappointments, your failings or misunderstandings before one day you find yourself standing all alone wondering what happened and why?
Because if you cannot be happy in your own skin, then who will be happy standing next to you? And know that wherever you go, there YOU are and one day you will be made to examine your life. You won’t be able to run, hide, blame or deride others. Unless and until you come to terms with your own hole that’s deep inside of you, you cannot even fathom how to repair it. You have been given this life, these experiences to learn from and grow into a better, more compassionate individual. And you cannot do that if you refuse to take the time to examine the insatiable hole within you.