Another Year Over...

At this time of year, when the anniversary of John’s death is fast approaching, I always reflect over the past year’s experiences. And I’m staggered by the enormity of life that has been lived in an extremely short amount of time.

My oldest daughter, Jennifer has been married for nine months today! She and her husband, Garrison began their new life together with their wedding and first reception in October in Arizona. A wedding reception ensued in Tennessee for Garrison’s family and friends in November. On January 1, 2011, they wrapped up their celebratory wedding receptions in Delaware for Jennifer’s family and friends. They live in Utah where they currently attend school and work. I’m so very proud of them and their accomplishments.

My oldest son, Hunter began his college career last fall where he excelled, receiving excellent grades that landed him on the Dean’s list. I have mixed emotions of Hunter’s move into his first home over an hour away. He is the proverbial big brother to his younger siblings and is sorely missed. He is also working hard while attending school. I knew that once Hunter moved forward out the quagmire that is high school that he would find his way in the world.

Bethany has received her driver’s license and thankfully had saved up enough money to purchase a newer car (and received a little help from her father). After surviving the first two older children receiving their driver’s license, I was more than happy for the occasion to occur. Because of circumstances beyond our control, Bethany was home schooled for the remainder of her sophomore year. She has excelled in her schoolwork by developing solid studying habits. I am happy to note that we’ve have grown extremely close over the past year due to challenges and adversities. Bethany’s future is certainly looking very bright.

Gunner has begun high school! This is an important era for us as a family and for him as an individual with autism. He has taken this monumental milestone seriously. He was also home schooled for the remainder of his freshman year and looks forward with anticipation of returning to school next month as a sophomore. Gunner is taking drum lessons for which he has a natural aptitude like his Uncle John, whom he was named for yet never met. Gunner and I have also cemented the relationship we have forged over the years of intense struggling because of his different abilities. I will always remain his strongest advocate until my last breath.

Noah has turned eleven, my favorite number, age, and time of life. He’s still a child, but so thoughtful and intelligent; much more so than many adults I’ve encountered. This has been a difficult time for Noah because of personal trials that he has had to endure that are no fault of his own. Yet I marvel at his tenacity and humor in overcoming whatever is tossed or flung his way. He is going to be a force to be reckoned with once this man-child comes of age. Nothing will stop him or stand in his way. And I wouldn’t dream of doing so.

Amelia is five and about as precocious a child I’ve ever seen. Reserved is not her forte and teaching her to tactfully own her voice will be my most arduous trial with this one. If Amelia likes you then it’s because there’s an enormous amount of good in you that is tangible in ways only she can see and feel. And if she doesn’t like you…well, no worries because she will avoid you like the plague. Amelia is also enduring serious hardships in her young life that cannot be taken from her at this point; though I am still actively trying to do so. Her spirit is strong and her laughter is contagious. She is nothing short of a miracle and a marvel in every way imaginable.

I am pleased to announce that I am divorcing, again. It’s mostly because I didn’t do it right the first time. (smile) I suppose I have always been an overachiever, but not in the same ways that others have been. For the first time in my life, I am actually looking forward to my next stage, development, accomplishment, or obstacle to overcome. I have finally become comfortable with myself and have stopped making apologies for the things that truly define me.

I was ecstatic over my daughter’s nuptials last autumn. I enjoyed and looked forward with anticipation to her enchanted wedding though simultaneously my marriage was already annihilated. And it’s because I do believe in eternal love that I am able to admire and respect the union that is marriage. I don’t profess to be sage when it comes to love; I only believe that if two people want to work at making marriage work, then it can happen. And if only one person is working at it, then it isn’t a marriage.

I have also rediscovered many friends from my childhood this past year; many who personally knew my brother, John. This was as significant as or perhaps even more so than my divorcing, because it was a reawakening of a time that I have chosen to long since bury because of the suffering that it represented to me. And I cannot believe how quickly I’ve been able to simply pick up the friendships where I left off some thirty years ago. It has been exciting to learn about the life journeys of my friends, for the most part.

I cannot believe another year has gone without my best friend by my side. There’s not a day that I don’t think about him, wonder what he’d quip, or what he’d do to make me laugh. I think he would be proud of what I’ve accomplished thus far. And I know he would continue to encourage me daily like he used to do. He would have barbeques, birthday parties, and other memorable holiday get togethers for his family and friends. He would smile bigger, hug tighter and laugh harder than anyone I have ever known. And if you knew my brother, John, then this is old news to you. If you did not, then I’m sorry for your loss.