"Trust"

I had the opportunity to take my children with me to the beach for a week this summer. My friends asked me to come help them as one of them is fairly far along with child. Our best friend also went with us to the beach. We call each other soul sisters because of the similar pasts we share, the way we respect one another, and are willing to help each other no matter what. I’m the middle sister. The younger sister is a beautiful woman, extremely intelligent, wonderfully compassionate and pregnant with her sixth child. The older sister is also very beautiful, tremendously insightful with the ability to see more than others around her while being so full of energy she acts like over twenty years younger than she is. The day we were to leave for the beach, the older sister was in an accident caused by an Irishman who backed into her driver’s side door. She took it in stride because it was an accident after all.

We spent our days on the beach, watching children play in the sand and rinse off in the water. Because the older sister was hurt, she had to stay on the blanket, but she was so concerned about the children, her eyes never left them. The youngest sister stayed out of the water as well. And as most pregnant women would attest, she had severe reservations of allowing the children to play in the water that looked suddenly more dangerous since she was pregnant. I had the task of taking the youngest three children out into the water; one at a time for the most part. I’m a fairly good swimmer, but sometimes rogue waves are known to break at the most inopportune time. The wipeouts didn’t cause any lasting damage, but it gave me the chance to share some life lessons with the children.

When we stood at the shoreline watching the waves roll in, we could tell which wave would swell and become a wipeout wave for the most part. I showed the children to get out of the way if they had time, but if they didn’t, they were to turn their backs to the wave and allow it to break on them. The first few times they didn’t quite grasp the concept that standing head-on while facing a wave crest and allowing it to break on you usually caused wipe-outs. However, by turning your back to the wave, bending at the knees, and having your back take the break, the most that happened was we got soaked. By the end of the week, all of the children knew to turn their backs on the waves if they couldn’t get out.

A similar lesson was taught for the kids that I had taken with me past the breaking point of the waves. After convincing the youngest sister that it was actually safer beyond the breaks, she allowed me to take the kids there. The children and I would talk about all sorts of things. Whatever came to mind is what we discussed; it was genuinely treasured serendipity. I believe that the entire beach trip was like that as well. I will remember mostly for the ability to strengthen the relationship bonds with my youngest two children as well as with my friends and their children.

While out past the breaking point, where we could witness the waves cresting and crashing on the beach but not experience it, we simply floated with the rise and fall of the water. At times we noticed that as boats and personal watercraft drove by that the waves would be quicker and higher. Sometimes we didn’t have the ability to avoid the waves or float with them. Some waves we either took head-on or dived under because it was safer. When we decided which waves we could dodge, we knew we had to cling tightly to one another, hold our breath and close our eyes as I dove under the crest.

We never had a wipe out when we were prepared. The children learned to trust me because they knew that I had their backs. I would never intentionally put them in harm’s way, nor would I forsake what I said I would do. My word was my bond period. Over the course of the week, they learned that if I said I would do something, then regardless of whether I felt like doing it, I followed through. It was important to me to instill in them that integrity means more to me than anything else. Don’t promise what you cannot or refuse to deliver. Save your breath and your time if your word means nothing.

There were some times that called for a change of venue. One day we packed lightly (we actually learned a lot during the trip as well) to head to the beach to swim for just a couple of hours. We brought only two buckets, two shovels, four beach towels, and a bedsheet because I hate to lie on sand and sheets shake out much better than towels. We had only been on the beach for a few minutes when a quick passing shower kept us out of the water. It was over with quickly and the sun had come back out blazing again. The girls played by the water’s edge as I watched black rolling clouds creep in from the south. The older sister was watching the girls and people around us, making sure we weren’t near any creeps, while my eyes were on the weather and the girls.

I thought I heard thunder so that alerted me to gather the girls and our things. The older sister hadn’t heard the rumble, but she listened to me anyway. As we were packing up and trying to explain why we had to cut the beach trip short, a streak of lightning flashed over the ocean and thunder cracked loudly over the sounds of the surf. The girls and I were off the beach before the lifeguards called everyone out of the water. I am adverse to weather anomalies. I detest the storms that enthrall others. I prefer to enjoy tempered weather and temperatures with no hint of thrill seeking weather chasers. I simply do not possess the gene that causes me to get excited about tornadoes, thunderstorms, blizzards, floods or any other type of calamity. A calm cool breeze, lightly falling rain, softly falling snow are the kinds of things that I enjoy.

We took the girls off the beach to the truck to wipe the sand off of them. They were used to rinsing off the sand in the ocean water, as if. By the time we got to the vehicle the sand brushed off easily anyway, but they wanted to take a shower. While carefully explaining how dangerous lightning is around water, we assured them we would go back on the beach when the storm passed. The older sister spoke to the lifeguard who clarified that Delaware beaches don’t allow anyone on the beach until thirty minutes after the last sound of thunder or one hour after the last lightning strike. That meant it was time to go home.

Disappointed that their beach excursion was cut short, the girls nonetheless understood that sometimes plans have to change due to unplanned circumstances out of our control. However, they learned this in a tempered way because it was the weather that had caused the change of plans and not our inability to follow through on our promises. They knew and understood that when we said we would do something, we did it.

Integrity is an uncommon trait today as people do what they want, when they want and how they want. Perhaps more amazingly, the United States has the highest incarceration rate of the world. Though Americans only account for less than five percent of the world’s population, nearly one quarter of the world’s entire inmates have been incarcerated in the United States in recent years. Why is it a country founded on solid, integrity and moral foundations have the most incarcerated people on the face of the earth? Why is it in the land of the free and the home of the brave, that people do not feel the need to be ethically sound? If every person decided for one day that they would honor their words, follow through with their intentions, not make promises they refused to keep, perhaps we would have the happiest day the world has ever experienced, even if for only a day.

Regardless of what the rest of the world does, I will continue to teach my children the importance of integrity. Working hard, being kind, showing compassion are not luxurious attributes, unless you don’t possess them. Say what you mean, mean what you say, then follow through or else don’t waste your breath. Thinking before speaking should be commonsense, but thinking before promising the world and offering nothing is fundamentally sound advice.

I will ask for nothing of anyone, but it’s because I trust very few people.  It’s rare for me to find in others the same level of commitment to integrity that I possess. These select few have become my most trusted friends. Everyone else I keep at a safe distance from me, unless and until they can prove to me that their word is their bond; because frankly, if I can’t trust you, we have very little in common.