“I respectfully decline your invitation to be lured into your vortex of chaos”

      Decades of maltreatment has left an indelible mark upon me. Although, I still see the good in most people; I don’t trust the majority of them. It has taken years of counseling to sort through feelings of shame, abandonment, and worthlessness. However, it wasn’t until recently that I finally understood how to apply methods to take back my life without subjecting myself to further exploitation. I simply acknowledge that everyone has a right to their own opinions, ideas, and attitudes. Whatever their view may be, if it is how they see their world, so be it.

       I’ve had countless people attempt to tell me how things ought to be, according to their understanding of my life. Mind you, these people have not had to live my life nor with the consequences of their opinions of how I should think and what I should do. In fact, they probably couldn’t survive twenty-four hours of my life at any given time. Yet they feel compelled to expound my shortcomings all the while ignoring their own. Just because I refuse to give awareness to it, doesn’t mean that it hasn’t occurred or that it’s inconspicuous in nature. I simply despise being defined by others so I chose to ignore it instead.

       Oh, how I loved to be told to calm myself down when my blood pressure is hovering around 200/110 due to circumstances beyond my control, caused by the actions of others. Who can accurately and prudently instruct me on how I should behave when my daughter and I have been shot at while pulled off on the side of the road to make a phone call? Should I merely get over it, and not stress or worry that our lives are in danger? When I’m being stalked at a public place by someone who has threatened my life and that of my children, should I simply live and let live? Should I not allow myself to be alarmed even though I have no idea why he won’t leave me alone or when he will attempt to do so again? When is okay to “overreact” and tell authorities that someone has vandalized my vehicle or has broken into my home that I can be aptly be concerned and ask for help? And is there ever a time that it’s simply okay to breakdown and cry because I have no idea how to stop the chaos?

       I was vehemently reproved for my choices made after much thought, prayer and pondering by me. It’s as if my time and effort in deciding my own future wasn’t good enough, therefore I needed to be reprimanded. My choices were shunned as if they were less than credible or worthy. My initial reaction was who is to tell me how I am to live my own life? If I ask for an opinion, and it’s provided, I will take it into consideration. But that does not mean that it is the deciding factor in the outcome; that decision is solely up to me. My next thought was this is only a viewpoint of another. Some people are extremely passionate about things that do not immediately affect their own lives; case in point, almost any sporting event.

     As I contemplated the overwrought rebuking, it occurred to me that I could reply only one of two ways and remain true to myself. I could become defensive and justify myself, my actions and my words. However, by doing so it would diminish my competency and give it to another. On the other hand, I could simply acknowledge their opinion as such and then wish them well in all of their endeavors. That validates another’s viewpoint without negating my own. That’s the avenue I chose.

     As human beings we all have differing perspectives based upon our experiences in life. Some of them are pleasurable while others are decidedly not. Our reactions can be as vast as our emotions will allow us to be; until we learn to temper them. Rarely are people ever on the same wavelength, with similar skills, talents, and ingenuity; this is why we should never compare our journey with another because the same variables aren’t ever applicable. I can acknowledge your opinion, yet refrain from offering my own. I can honor your choices, without desiring to refute them. And I can respectfully decline your invitation to be lured into your vortex of chaos, preferring to ignore it instead.