Don't weep for me, because I am strong

It’s been said not to say or do anything permanent when you’re temporarily upset. This includes talking, texting, messaging, Facebooking, etc.; modern day etiquette for the socially inept. But sometimes writing what you’re thinking and feeling during this time helps you to remember what has happened so that you know what not to repeat in the future.

As an observer, people watcher, reader, researcher, investigator and sometimes writer, I look at people’s motives for why they say and do things. Often times, people do things in the heat of the moment that causes lifetime repercussions that make their lives miserable forever. Other times, people do things that drastically change others’ lives. The former is a direct result of their own actions or words while the latter is the consequences of others actions or words. That’s a huge difference, for one causes their own demise while some are suffering because of the actions or words of others.

A main theme of life’s distress is the inability to separate the person from the situation; then determining whether the person has brought it upon himself or if others have caused him woe. People tend to categorize trauma, dilemma and other infractions of others as threatening to their sense of well-being. Sometimes it can be, often times it isn’t.

As I have experienced many adversities in my life, brought upon me by others, I have learned to triage their motives in order to separate the person from the situation. I refuse to be a victim of another’s inability to do what I am able to do. Every person I’ve come into contact with during my sojourn in life has had an impact on me, my thoughts, my actions, and my decision making. It would be imprudent to think otherwise. And while I would not say I embrace the adversity, I have learned tremendously during the struggle.

Some people have entered my life for a specific purpose, a season, or for lifetime to impart a lesson. I tend to shun those who are shallow, malicious or otherwise attempt to cause intentional harm. I simply walk away from arguments or fights. I avoid toxicity at all costs, though I will not back away from injustice; especially if someone is unable to defend themself. I will sustain the weak, the disadvantaged, and those who have been violated. I have taken a personal interest in helping those who are in dire need of a friend, encouragement and hope. It is for them that I have accepted the nonsense of others in order to fully understand their plight.

I cannot tell you how to build a car, how electricity works, or any number of important things concerning what we use on a daily basis. I don’t understand physics or medicine in any meaningful way in order to change the world; because that hasn’t been my mission in life to learn. I know suffering, pain, and overcoming adversity because that is what I’ve been asked to endure and master. I write about real excruciating concerns people face. I expose depravities that others refuse to grasp because it’s simply too intense to acquiesce.

I do not yield to hatred because that wastes too much precious energy. I realize that most people cannot withstand the obstacles that have been placed before me; therefore, they fear what they do not understand. The irony of my life is that I appreciate the diversity of others because of my endurance of suffering. I do not wish others to feel as I have, nor to comprehend my responsibility I feel towards my mission. Just as there are only a select few who can perform brain surgery without causing additional harm; then there are those who have been called to sustain enormous amounts of injustice in order to personify the suffering. I am one of those persons.

Just because extreme travail isn’t acknowledged by the populace, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Many have been asked to endure the most heinous crimes against humanity, only to futilely suffer. If you don’t share what you have learned in order to change the situation, then you have sorrowed in vain.

A friend of mine contacted me yesterday out of concern for my family and myself because he had heard about the Susan Cox Powell case in Utah and he wanted me to know he was thinking about us. Apparently her estranged husband, Josh Powell, was a person of interest, yet he was never formally charged as only circumstantial evidence was gathered. On Sunday, February 5, 2012 during a court-ordered, supervised visitation encounter, Josh Powell took the lives of his two young sons as he committed suicide. The desperate act of exceptionally disturbed man stunned the nation. People marveled how he could do such a thing. Then there were those who saw the writing on the wall; those who have experienced domestic travesty firsthand.

I believe we are born here to make a difference. I think that we are given talents and blessings to ensure that we can overcome our adversities. We are also given situations, sufferings, and missions to surmount. Many see these as problems, instead of as trials. Just as the modern society has stood on the shoulders of its predecessors, we must use what we know, what we have learned to make a difference or what we have experienced is for naught.

If we do not stand up to unrighteousness, if we choose to look the other way, if we run away, fearing for our own selves rather than standing in unity to stop the insanity, then nothing changes. One day your son, daughter, grandchild may suffer greater calamity because you refuse to acknowledge your role in curbing the violence. Good people who refuse to do anything are as bad as the evil ones doing the deed. If you are grateful for the ease of your life brought to you by the sweat of others, then be true to yourself and refuse to allow injustices to continue.

Removing yourself from the situation out of fear is cowardly. Know that another will placed in your stead, and you will have to learn the same lesson through another approach. Joan of Arc, Mother Teresa, Rosa Parks, Anne Frank, Helen Keller, Harriet Tubman, Clara Barton, Susan B. Anthony are but just a few of the most influential women in our history who have suffered tremendously for mankind. But that’s not to say there aren’t many men who have done the same. It’s just that women have had a notoriously harder time to overcome as they were always looked down upon as lesser than men in society.

Robert Frost said, “In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: it goes on.” And life does march on whether we are ready for it or not. We can either take the lessons we’ve learned about life and share our experiences with others, or we don’t. We either ease others sufferings and pains, or we can ignore them. We can choose to unite for a cause, or simply walk away. That’s our prerogative. But what we have been asked to do with our lives and we decide not to do define our own selfish desires. A person committed to helping others will not refuse to do so when he sees another in need. Whether he is trained to be a doctor, nurse, teacher, or mechanic, he will feel the desire to help. Others are not so committed. Many wait for the perfect moment for when things to blow over, deciding not to get involved because it seems messy or difficult.

Life is not about perfection, it’s about perfecting. It’s dirty, chaotic, confusing, and absolutely beautiful. It’s about having integrity, honesty, character, and hope. It’s about righting wrongs, helping others, and wiping tears. It’s accepting challenges regardless of ability, learning on the job what to do and how to do it. Life is about lifting another’s spirit when they simply can’t stand on their own. If you choose to walk away from hard trials, don’t expect another to come to your aid when you, your family or friends are in need. But know that someone, somewhere will anyway because some people actually care about humanity and those who suffer indignities.

Don’t weep for me because I am strong. I’ve been through worse; I will continue to stand up for injustice and prevail because it’s my mission in life to bring out the issues that others refuse to acknowledge. I am more than you know, but not as much as I will be. I’m a work in progress until my last breath. 

Thoughts & Ramblings

I’ve had many interesting conversations with numerous viewpoints with people from all walks of life this past year. Remarkably, or perhaps not, the most thought-provoking discussions came from those whom society would rather ignore than respect. It’s no coincidence those who have been touched by tremendous hardships have a much deeper understanding, a more compassionate stance, and an incredible unwavering conviction that adversities can be overcome.

One particular conversation is forever engraved upon my mind. This man was counseling me during an especially terrifying series of incidences that were life-threatening to my children and me. I felt like Dorothy as she counseled with the great and powerful Wizard of Oz expecting intelligent, sensible advice. But what I received was, “Well, if your ex succeeds in murdering you and your family, then your mission here in life has been completed and you shall receive your just reward.”

As a profound thinker, an admirer of opinions different than my own, and open to suggestions I may not have considered, I found this peculiar tête-à-tête disturbing. Who in their right mind tells a woman who has been victimized by domestic abuse for years that the very least I should worry about is if I succumb to murder at the hands of someone I fear? In the eight months that have followed that conversation, I’ve attempted to elucidate his meaning to no avail. I can perceive nothing justifiable in rationalization of that ill-given advice. By the way, this man has a degree in chemistry and holds a very important position in nuclear power.

Another jarring perspective I’ve encountered this year was from another male, degreed in management, money obsessive, and always has to be right. I eventually found out he is a federally convicted felon, though the details provided were elusive and I no longer associate with him so I could care less. This person said if my writing became lucrative profession he wanted me to buy him a $500,000 Aston Martin James Bond 007 car. At first, I thought he was joking, because he had a smile on his face whenever he would mention it. After a few weeks, it became obvious that he was the most narcissistic creature I have ever had the displeasure of encountering in my entire life. When I do make money from my craft of writing, I can assure everyone that I will not purchase a $500,000 automobile; for me or for anyone else.

I explained, as much as I could to this fanatical individual, that I would ensure that the money I spend on others would go to a much more thoughtful and useful purpose. I could provide mobile homes to at least twenty families which would get them out of their tents in the parks. I could replace leaky roofs; broken hvac systems; water heaters; distribute food, clothing, and other necessities; pay utility bills; or help others in variety of basic needs. Because I have been given much, I, too, must give; but if I were presented with the opportunity to have more, then I would contribute even more generously.

A third rumination comes from another male, degreed in business, but well-versed in compassion. He has spent his life taking care of others, perfecting his talents, and giving an honest day’s work. Through no fault of his own, he was laid off due to the economic downturn. Anxiously struggling to find employment, he nonetheless provides charitable contributions in whatever manner he is able to do so. Probably the most intelligent man I’ve ever met, he ponders at his plight and is constantly attempting to alter his current situation. This individual personifies the average American who wants so desperately to have gainful employment in order to feel useful and productive.

I’m nothing if not amazed that the people who hold themselves in such high regard are actually less worthy than those they censure. How ludicrously backwards life can be at times; those experiencing economic hardships are the ones who would give until people stopped hurting. Yet, the ones who are endowed with the means are usually the ones who refuse to mete out compassion, service or anything else.

Lest anyone think that I’m a bleeding heart liberal, I can assure you that I am firmly resolute in owning up to one’s obligations and responsibilities. That being said, the definition of a bleeding heart liberal is: progressive; open-minded; tolerant; favors maximizing individual freedoms; especially as guaranteed by law and secured by government; favors representational forms of governments, not monarchies or aristocracies; and cares excessively about those who are underprivileged or exploited. (Charlotte A. Weybright, 2007.) So, I guess I really am (smile).

That being said, talents and adversities are unfairly distributed amongst mankind. Mother Theresa was one of the most holy people to have roamed the earth; while poor in material wealth, she was a spiritual giant. Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi inspired movements for civil rights and freedom across the world. His philosophy inspired many including Martin Luther King, Jr. who in 1955 said, "Christ gave us the goals and Mahatma Gandhi the tactics."

“And the King shall answer and say unto them, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me.” Matthew 25:40 (KJ V)

Donate your time and anything else you can spare. He who dies with the most stuff does not win. It’s he who has done for the most for those who cannot who does.  

My Story to Tell

It's been a quiet day, leaving me ample time to think deep thoughts about where I am in life, where I have been and where I want to go next. Usually I'm in perpetual motion, doing what has to be done because, well, it has to be done. But today I did a lot of relaxing with my thoughts. My mind is not something I can shut off too easily. And relaxing isn't something that comes naturally to me.

As I looked over the past year, I've noticed a huge change in my demeanor; what I will tolerate, what I will stand up to and what I will fight for with all that I have. I have allowed people to leave my inner circle because they really didn't belong in there. I have actually tossed some people to the curb who had no business being inside in the first place. And I have embraced people whom I have felt an eternal friendship with even though we've barely met.

I have learned to triage my trials; laughing at mistakes and crying when it hurt too much. I recognized that I love too deeply, but refuse to permit others to hurt me like I have in the past. I have a strong desire to right the wrong, when and where I can. I want to ease the pain and suffering of others when possible. I will contribute until I have no more to give whether it's service, goods or my time. I do not judge to whom I give. If I see a need, I am obligated to change the situation as much as I am able to do so.

This stance of mine absolutely causes some people to take without regard, to exploit without conscience, and abuse without provocation. But that is their story to tell, not mine. What I have noticed this past year is when my children and I were in dire need, nearly everyone we considered our friends and close confidants stood on the sidelines waiting for the dust to settle. They offered trite condolences, but did nothing to relieve the torment. They judged without merit; rumored without full understanding; perpetuated the fear and discord my family felt. Therefore, I eliminated them from my life. 

I have also learned to own my voice as never before. Since I'm another year older I realize that I'm closer to being done with my mission here in life than I am at starting it. So, I have a lot of catching up to do. I point out the uncomfortable. I share the crimes against mankind. I speak out against status quo. I voice my opinion. And I have a tendency to piss people off by calling unsavory things to their attention. So be it. 

I no longer have use for indifference in my life. I refuse to bow down before anyone, giving my allegiance to someone who doesn't care about anything other than their own wants and needs. I will rant and rave at times if something makes me angry. But I also smile and laugh quite a bit about life, circumstances and people. And at times I've been depressed because I couldn't change the outcome of some things that never should have happened. 

I am not disappointed in myself for caring too much, trying too hard, or giving all that I am. Because that is my story to tell. No one can define me except for me. At any given time, people are only given a tiny glimpse of what I allow them to see of my life. I know who I am. I know what I believe. I know what causes me pain and what I can do to stop it. I alone determine how I will react to what happens to me. 

If you are part of my life, it's because I care about you. If we have a friendship, it's because we connected where it's most important, in our hearts. If you are reading this, then I have caught your attention for but a moment and allowed you to peek into my soul. And what you do with it is your story to tell.